Where do I belong?
I peek through whitewashed windows and see golden lights,
Stars maybe, if stars resided on
They say blood adds nutrients to the soil.
Our cheeks had blood once, you know;
You can see it in the old photographs,
Burned edges of the photographs
The only things that are now left in my chest.
I do not know what to do, I say,
To whom I do not know.
Who hears, I do not know.
The ones to ask?
There are questions they want me to answer.
Bullets shattering in my earbuds
Tell me I do not belong.
Juggling in between,
Dying - undying.
Living - unliving.
Die then, I know their eyes say -
A displaced shoe,
A deflated hot-air balloon.
I used to dream in colour.
Now it’s just white.
White like the whitewashed houses through the windows of which I see colours -
Colours like red, like my daughter’s favourite frock
Or yellow, like my wife’s favourite saree.
I wonder where they are now - that frock and that saree.
Maybe it’s the ash beneath my feet.
We used to sleep on a bed, believe it or not,
Before gravity exploded beneath us,
Flung the pillows off to Space
While we clung on to fences buried two centimetres into the ground
Because on the other side we saw faces not marred with black
And stranger voices.
And shattered dreams.
Shattered lives, In limbo.
Upasa Borah is a spoken word artist and a Wattpad writer from Guwahati, Assam and is currently pursuing an undergraduate degree in Economics from Miranda House, University of Delhi. In December 2017, she was invited to be a featured poet in the largest poetry slam held in Guwahati. After coming to Delhi, she has performed in many big and small stages including India Habitat Centre and IIT Delhi. She was also invited to be a judge at the Annual Inter-school Kavi and Geet Sammelan organised by St. Mary’s School, Safdarjung Enclave, Delhi, and was one of the top 30 winners of The Wingword Poetry Competition 2018.